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I didn't realise I could actually dislike someone as much I dislike someone right now. I choose the word dislike because hate is a strong word, and when I'm angry and I actually hate this person very much. Why can life never be simple for me?

Today I spent the morning with my husband Tyler. �He's so wonderful. �He's great with my kids. �This morning I heard a great analogy. �I'm Barney, he's Attila the Hun. �We went to church, then I had to go to work.

I went for a walk to the park today! It's been a couple of months since I've had my walks. The cold weather in December, Christmas, trip to Florida... all have contributed to me not taking my early morning walks that I love so much. I believe it's going to be rainy over the next few days, so this (regretably) could be my only walk for the month.

Robin bought a second remote for the Wii for the kids the other day and gave it to them this morning. They played with it until it was time to leave for church at 0930. I prefer to go to the first service, but it's a lot easier to do this when I go by myself. Robin isn't an early morning person, and getting the kids to the first service means getting them ready almost as soon as they wake up.

The service was good. I always like it when Kevin leads worship. His voice is perfect to get you into a mood of worship. Bob didn't give the message though. It was a guest speaker from California. I usually don't like guest speakers. This one wasn't too bad though.

I'm writing this entry early, so I may do another before bed tonight.

It happened and I knew it would. W. found out that something is amiss and has kicked me out. I am currently staying with N. I don't know how wise this is as moving from a relationship that isn't completely finished to one that isn't completely started is never a wise move. I begin to wonder again the meaning of fate and search some where in the universe that will tell me that taking a blind leap of faith is alright as long as you know what can happen. If we get along develop a relationship and grew into a couple, a family and grow old together great...if not at the very least all the what if's about our past�are clear and we would know that it just wasn't meant. I of course hope it was and right now it seems to be.

On the other side is the general feeings resulting from an impending divorce. I feel bad for hurting W. I feel bad for not being able to make it work and I feel bad when I think of the good times. So in all this people tell me to make myself happy. None of these things make me happy they make me feel guilt ridden and mean. I know W. wasn't always good to me but he wasn't always mean either. No matter which way I choose someone will be hurt because of me and I wonder how I am supposed to deal with that.